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Friday, March 20, 2009

Im in a funk AGAIN

Im having one of my moments I go thru this at different times and this time its hitting me bad. I have packed on a few extra pounds over the winter I can feel it. I already am hmmm I guess the nice way to put it is "fluffy" and that sometimes gets to me. I dont wish to be all skinny and boney I just wish to be how I was before I had my last son. I dont know why but after having him I have never been able to get back down to any where close to how I was before I got pregnant with him. I have tried diets(they dont work), diet pills (they dont work and some turned out being unsafe), when I was a teenager I actually starved myself and landed myself in the hospital hooked up to IV's listening to the doctor tell my mom how I was very lucky to be alive. I got myself to the point I couldnt even walk. It was ridiculous and I am much older now and would never do something that stupid again. Sometimes I just look at it as this is how I am so deal with it and I do fine. but then for whatever reasons its like a dark cloud comes over me and the next thing i know Im depressed and sad about how I look. I cry about it and obsess over it. Now "joshy" he always tells me he loves me the way I am..and he thinks Im SEXY...he always shows me attention...you know kisses, huggins.. smacks oin the ass, always in the mood. so that should tell me that he isnt the least bit worried about the few pounds I have packed on..but why does it get to me like it does?? I mean seriously I start feeling guilty about eating anything. I know I have to eat, but man what can I eat that isnt going to make me feel like a cow!!! Im not the healthy food kinda person...sure Ill do salads now and then I eat my fruits and veggies. but Im just not the sit down and count your calorie intake kinda girl. I wanna eat what I want to eat when I want to eat and NOT have to feel so damn guilty about it!!! I SWEAR SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I GAIN WEIGHT JUST THINKING ABOUT FOOD OR EVEN JUST WATCHING SOMEONE ELSE EAT THE FOOD!!! I dont know what to do anymore..and Im really tired of being in this funk.

http://www.pro-thinspo.com/images/po2.jpg
DONT WANT TO LOOK LIKE THIS

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_QjgKnMPAcqI/R7M6uCGWIKI/AAAAAAAAALE/Up9livvfMEw/s320/fat%2Bwoman.jpg

BUT DONT WANT TO LOOK LIKE THIS EITHER!!

11 comments:

angi_b72 said...

I am the same as you. I hit 230 pounds though and i finally said THIS IS IT...i have to do something. I joined Weight watchers and I love it. I have lost about 17 pounds in about 6 weeks, it is easy to do, you can eat, i love it. I too hated counting calories etc...you should really try it. I think you would like it and do very well at it. Go to the meetings too...that is very encouraging. You can look online to see if there is a place near you that has meetings adn sign up. It is very wroth the 12.00 a week!

RileyScott said...

First of all! Warn people before you put up really disturbing pictures right after lunch! Sheesh!

Well, after reading your post, I think your answer is right there inside it. You had a problem as a kid, and it seems like a pretty serious one at that. Now, while I praise you for recovering and living what seems to be a very full and rich life, I think that the type of "illness" for lack of a better term that put you in the hospital before, I think they leave remnants. i know alot of girls from college who had similar problems, and some have recovered. Others have become exercise junkies but at least they eat. I think it's a type of addiction though, and it never truly goes away.

Having an addictive personality myself, I know the dangers of such things. It's ok to feel like you've gained a few pounds over the winter (I gained 15 myself, after I worked so hard to lose like 40 last year). There are alot of factors that help weight accumulate in the winter. Heck the human body goes into fat storing mode when there is less sun. It's right there in the genetic code. Luckily the reverse happens in the spring and summer, and you'll naturally lose a few pounds during that time. Probably not as much as you want to lose, but a few.

You're right, diets alone do NOT work. Diet pills do, at least the prescribed ones, but they are dangerous. But by dieting slightly and exercising that's how my wife and I lost weight for our wedding. here's what we did and it really truly works, without any side-effects. (ok, maybe we were a little grouchy the first two weeks.)

First: cut all carbs from your diet for two weeks. I mean everything, pasta, bread, all of it. don't worry, this is not atkins, this is just to shock the body into metabolising the way we want it too. Now, during this time eat as much meat as you want, and of salads.

After the two weeks, add the carbs back in with moderation, but make sure they are good carbs, like multi-grain bread (or multi-grain white bread even). Multi-grain barilla select pasta (seriously, you cannot tell the difference, and it tastes awesome and is awesome for you.

One night a week, treat yourself to a night out with joshy with no restrictions on diet, cause otherwise you'll go NUTS!

Trust me, after like 3 weeks you'll start getting full sooner, and will have a little more energy. Now we start the exercise. Now I'm not talking treadmill, weight lifting, or anything like that. If you want to do that, then GREAT go for it. I just find that WAY too boring. My wife and I played Wii sports and Wii fit. If you don't have a wii, then dance around the house, do jumoing jacks, just get your body sweating in any way possible that is also fun<-- cause otherwise you won't stick to it.

This worked for me and my wife, then course the winter came and we baked cakes, brownies, and cookies. Had huge feasts, and stopped shopping for the multi-grain stuff. Shockingly we gained weight, but we're going to embark on a spring program that will hopefully help us lose it again. Hope this advice helped.

-Riley

Seeker said...

Girl...if i could help you i could help myself with the diet problem. I can't. But i will try to say something wise and astute. Like... You are a worthwhile person but you will never be perfect. You have to like yourself... strive for inner peace and acceptance of that.

Lucy said...

Oh, I hate those funks. I have been married over 20 years and my guy makes me feel very loved but sometimes it isn't always about that, it is about how you feel.
Good Luck getting through the funk. My mom swears by Weight Watchers too and I kind of grew up on the program with her, so when I get in the funk I tend to use their stuff. I can't say I have ever gone to a meeting or fully done the point system but I do know a lot of their suggestions on cooking and portion control and use those tips when needing to lose a few pounds!!
Like I said Good Luck on however you choose to get through your funk!

~Tom~ said...

We need to talk kiddo.....Hugz!

Grant Miller said...

Both of those pictures are messing with my mind now.

Cozyflier said...

Sorry to be causing you so much gloom. My last name is FUNK!!!

I think everyone is in constant struggle with their body. At least true beings, not actors!!!

I became deathly ill in 2007 and lost 50 pounds. Not the way to loose weight. Now that I'm back healthy, I've been trying to balance, eating, stabalizing weight, and regaining a healthy look!

While my weight has crept up a too much, I want to be careful not end up ill again!

I can relate to what you went thru years ago.

Walking on a daily basis and eating a healthy variety of foods should help you!

Good luck.

bernthis said...

three things that will help you:

Exercise. There is no replacement for that. Cardio burns fat and continues to burn it long after you are done, especially if you do interval training (google that, you'll find a ton of explanations)

Good carbs is right.

Eat in moderation

None of this exemplifies any type of extreme behavior. You can do it. You can. There is no reason to feel like you have to suffer to be thin.

There are no magic pills or diets you are correct.

Missy said...

Sorry you are in a funk, but that is part of the circle of life...
Spring always brings things new and pretty and is a perfect time to start over! Don't be so hard on yourself! Relax, have some fun and the pounds will come off! Just relax! I can never lose weight when I am all uptight about it!

jineen said...

ok here is a sick question, of the two pics, which would you rather? ha! i am right there with you, only i packed on my 100 extra pounds 7 years ago during pregnancy, can't blamie it on that anymore....so i guess i need a new excuse:)

Cheryl said...

I am so with you girl...I've gained over the winter too...on top of already being too heavy! I need to follow some of the advice here and get this weight off. :o)