Dear Aunt Flo,
It’s so nice of you to come visit, but I’m ready for you to pack up and leave. I know we’ve been acquainted for years now, but my family has seen the influence you have over me and they’ve asked me to let you know you are no longer welcome.
For one thing, every month, I forget you’re going to be here, and then when you arrive, it’s always at the most inconvenient time. Worse yet, I subconsciously begin to dread your arrival, and snap at the family, fall asleep,get all bloated, crave things not good for me, or start to cry at the least provocation. When you are around, you’re a pain in the …. neck, and back, and front, and head and the rest of me.
Honestly, I don’t know why I haven’t said anything sooner. When I think about our relationship, I’m alarmed at the red flags (no pun intended) sent up by the description of your hold over me. For example, you try to control me by being bossy and demanding. You isolate me from social and family contacts. You try to prevent me from working, going to social activities, or interacting with family. You make me feel fat!!! The cost of chocolate, Midol and Doritos adds up after a while, and I could really use the money for other things!! It’s been a learning experience but I really never wanted you in my life to begin with. So, dear Aunt Flo, the time has come for me to demand that you move on. Get out of town. Find a new sucker for your cruel tricks and mind games. Because if I’ve got to deal with grey hair, crow’s feet, gravity, and cellulite, I should be able to do it with a frickin smile on my face!!!!Sincerely,
one of your billions of constituents
5 comments:
OMG Now that was way too funny! In fact it was so good that I will overlook the fact that yet again you have found a way to let me know it is that time! hehehe Hugz kiddo.
Dena, GREAT post!! And so well written. Oh my gosh, you had me laughing like I have not laughed in a long time. I no longer have to deal with Aunt Flo, luckily, cuz she has moved on from my life only very recently, and I say Good Riddance to her. My girls are sooo jealous, they wish that they could be so lucky!! I remind them that they are still young, and Aunt Flo will be their best friend when it comes time to have children of their own some day. They didn't want to hear that, cuz they still think she is a royal pain in their lower midriff, back and legs! :-) Sooo glad I read your post. :-) Debby
Amen.
This was GREAT!!!
Too funny & sooooo true!!!
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