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Monday, June 29, 2009

Beyond the negativity

For years I pictured myself to be a victim of my traumatic life experiences. I spent so many years of my life feeling damaged and utterly broken. It caused me to not trust or believe in people at all. I often wondered how I could continue on in such emotional pain. I continued for years by putting my focus on being mom, concentrating more on them then I did myself. Thinking that the things I felt deep inside of me would one day just go away, or would be buried so deep beneath everything else they wouldn't really matter anymore. But thats not how it works. You need to take the time to deal with the traumatic things you have gone thru in life and dont let them destroy you but let them make you stronger.
I have spent so much of life hurting from the things Ive gone thru, feeling a deep sense of sadness while I walked around with a smile on my face pretending that everything was just fine. After years of abuse you learn how to do that really well.

In the last year I have tried concentrating on being able to better see the core of who I really am. A core that isn't marked by traumatic life experiences, but rather, a core that shines with talent, beauty, and a sensing for love and adventure.
When I stopped focusing on the beauty that is my inner core, I was denying myself the right to grow and to blossom. I started spending all of my time focusing on the negative things I think about myself; and then acted surprised when those things begin to grow. After awhile, all I could see when I look at myself in the mirror,was the negative , broken person that I had convinced myself I was. Then one day I thought what if I focused my attention towards, the things about me that will grow. The good about myself. I have the ability to convince myself of anything. Our mind is a very powerful tool!!!

It is now my challenge to myself, to see beyond the negativity and look towards my true inner self. I mean I've always known Im a good person...have a good heart and soul and will do almost anything for anyone. I always want to help the underdog, and always have words of encouragement for everyone around me. I've always been every ones shoulder to cry on and helping hand to count on, Im the one everyone turns to when they need some advise. While it goes unnoticed that Im hurting inside, that I bear a sadness so deep inside of me from the experiences in life I have gone thru that I sometimes feel like all my happiness has been sucked away. So its time I put a little focus on me now, feed my core with beautiful thoughts and healthy experiences, and before I know it, viewing myself in a negative and broken manner will be a thing of the past, for my TRUE inner self will shine so bright that I won't be able to help it but to face each and every day with a much more positive outlook. And I will realize that all that negative that has happened in my life truly did only make me stronger!!!


SO said...

Wonderful post. You are beautiful. Isn't is sad that we have a hard time seeing this about ourselves?

Homer and Queen said...

You go! Strut your strong self and be the great person you are!

~Tom~ said...

now THIS post makes me really happy kiddo! You truly are a beautiful person ins sooo many ways. I have known it since we met. I am glad that you are finally choosing to see yourself as those around you already do! Hugz

Samsmama said...

So well written! Great post, Dena!

Juls said...

I can relate to this post on so many levels! Thank you for writing it... :)