Sunday, January 18, 2009
Ten years ago
Ten years ago today I lost a very important person in my life...my mom. Today I went and put flowers out on her grave, its over a hundred miles from where I live and I try to take new flowers there as often as I can. I was so sad today when I got there and seen that there was no flowers there at all. Usually my old ones are still there waiting for me to replace them but today even those were gone. I picked out some pretty white with pink on the edge roses. I know its not the season for roses but it was a flower that mom would grow and always be so proud of. She had some that where GIANT and oh so pretty. Josh had actually asked me this morning if I wanted to go and put flowers out for my mom and that meant so much to me that he suggested it before I even said anything. So Josh and Devin went with me when we got there I talked about how when Devin was a little younger we had gone there and made a tiny little snowman with stick arms that were different sizes it was too cute, talked about how Devin and I have gone and just sat down right there and talked about grandma, Devin was only 8 months old when mom died so he never got the chance to get to know her like the older boys did. But I have talked about her and tried hard to keep the memory of her around us always. I will admit though that its hard sometimes. I mean we have pictures to look at to remind us of how she looked , and letters she wrote to remind us of her handwriting, the things she made us to remind us of her crafty side, I even still have some perfume of hers that reminds me of how she smelled. But what I dont have is her voice. I hate that, I can't remember what she sounds like. I mean sure if she was to talk to me today I would know it was her. But its the fact that I dont get to hear it anymore that makes me sad. And I dont get to feel her touch, man have there been so many times in the last 10 years that Ive needed that. But I know that she is with me each and every day. I feel it, she listens to me when I talk to her, and I await for the day she talks back to me. I love her and I miss her so very much.
You are with me always mom.
For you mom:
A thousand times we needed you
A thousand times we cried
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died
A heart of gold stopped beating
two twinkling eyes closed to rest
God broke our hearts to prove he only took the best
Never a day goes by that you're not in my heart and my soul