Friday, January 16, 2009
on a personal level
OK this one is going to be a bit more on a personal level. I have three awesome boys. They truly are the loves of my life. I was lucky enough to be able to be home with my kids as they were growing up. The older boys dad and I divorced when they were 6 and 7. He was a very controlling man and after 8 years of trying to make it work I just couldn't take it anymore so I left. I ended up meeting my youngest sons father and thought he was the complete opposite of the first one. I ended up being wrong. He too was controlling and had anger problems that resulted in abuse and the end of our marriage. I was left a single stay at home mom of three boys and I suffer from major anxiety, trying to figure out what I was going to do now. The man that I thought was always going to be there for me and with me for the rest of life was not the man I wanted in my life at all. I felt very scared and alone, not to mention I now felt I had lost so much trust in people. Mental , emotional , and physical abuse does that to a person. But I looked at my boys and I knew that no matter what I had to make this work, and I had to give them the life they deserved to have. Those three boys gave me the strength I didn't even know I had. They gave me the courage to go out and get a job for the first time, and show myself that I could do this. To this day I still have the same house, we have cable, phone, gas, lights, and food to put on the table. And I did it without getting help from the government. My two older boys are in college and when they are both home I think it's one of my most favorite times ever. Sometimes I sit back and wonder wow where did the time go??? How did my kids grow up so fast!!! I'm so proud of them, they made it thru high school never got in trouble with the law, never got in trouble in school, both got good grades although it came easier for Kody and Dakota had to really work at getting good grades, but he did it. Both held part time jobs, participated in sports. And never forgot the importance of our family. They are both in college doing what they want to do,and still holding down part time jobs, plus Kody is in the National Guard, and as mom I couldn't be any more proud of them. I still have Devin at home he's 10 and he is the perfect combination of his two older brothers. I now am working at home which works out great for me so when Devin has breaks from school I don't have to figure out what I'm going to do with him. He's such a good kid and so much help to mom. This morning he even went out and scooped the snow before I took him to school. He did this while I was getting ready. Now honestly how many kids are going to do that, and without even being asked to do it???? I just feel that even though life has given us our fair share of hard times and we still are going thru them. That thru it all I was given three of the most wonderful gifts ever and that's Kody, Dakota, and Devin. I truly believe it is time that parents start taking more time and appreciating the awesome gifts we have in our kids. Everyone wants to point fingers at why they think our youth is the way they are. I think its time parents sit and take a good look at themselves and see if the real reason that their kids might be the way they are is because of the parent. Seems that now a days everyone is too busy, everyone is too self absorbed, everyone wants to blame it on other factors, but I think everyone has forgotten that our first responsibility is to our children. How can we expect them to know whats important in life if we aren't doing that ourselves. I hope that thru all the things that have come our way and all the obsticles I've had to try to overcome that my boys have learned from them, and have realized that they can get thru anything. And that always no matter what I will ALWAYS be there for them and I will ALWAYS be proud of the men they are and the men they are becoming. And I thank them for teaching me so much, and giving me the strength to keep going. I love my boys and they truly are my heart and soul!!!!