My daily fight

Sometimes there is more to a person then just what you see on the outside...a person that you think might be rude or a bitch might actually have something else going on.................like me....
I suffer from "social anxiety" it is a torturous emotional problem that most people do not understand. It includes intense fear, a racing heart,blushing,excessive sweating, dry throat and mouth, trembling, swallowing with difficulty, and muscle twitches, and in my case sometimes uncontrollable crying, and bad headaches. People with social anxiety disorder know that their anxiety is irrational and does not make "head" sense. Nevertheless, "knowing" something is never the same thing as "believing" and "feeling" something. People with social anxiety, thoughts and feelings of anxiety persist and show no signs of going away despite the fact that socially-anxious people "face their fears" every day of their lives. Social anxiety disorder compared to some of the other disorders can seem kind of boring..it doesnt have "strange" elements that are visible to others. A person with social anxiety disorder usually shrinks into the background and is not heard. Even professionals typically do not understand what the socially-anxious person is living with, they prescribe a few relaxation techniques, some medication, and tell the person that they are really "OK".
This is highly debilitating for people with social anxiety. It reinforces the fact that you have a horrible, life-restricting disorder that causes extreme anxiety in social situations, AND NO ONE CAN EVEN UNDERSTAND IT, let alone help you. You start feeling like you are the only one in the world that has this disease, that you are a freak, or just weird. You look around and it doesnt seem like anyone else is going thru this or at least not anyone you know. Its hard to find yourself even walking down your own street alone for the fear people might be looking at you and judging you, or even that you might run into someone and then you are forced to say hello, your voice will crack and then they will sense your weak or afraid..and you dont want anyone to know that about you. You find fear in going to the grocery store alone..even though its in the small town that you grew up in...its the fear of people staring at you or again making eye contact and being forced to talk to someone. The fear of doing or saying something to make a fool of yourself. Theres the fear of picking up the phone and making that phone call..even though they cant see you, it doesnt matter, home becomes the only place you feel comfortable. The socially anxious person can’t relax, "take it easy", and enjoy themselves in public. In fact, they rarely relax when other people are around. It always feels like others are evaluating them, being critical of them, or "judging" them in some way. The person with social anxiety knows that people don’t do this openly, of course, but they still feel the self-consciousness and the judgment while they are in the other person’s presence. It’s sometimes impossible to let go, relax, and focus on anything else except the anxiety. Because the anxiety is so very painful, it’s much easier just to stay away from social situations and avoid other people.THIS is what I live with each and every day of my life....my friends, my family, my boyfriend...no one understands it...sure they deal with it because this is how I have always been....but they dont understand it and probably never will. Im a good person, have a good heart, always put others first, will do anything I can to help others out, but dealing with this all my life makes it so sometimes I really hate being me.

Shaking hands and swirling thoughts

Here comes anxiety ready or not

Gasp for air and try to hide

Cant let them see me break inside

Swallow and breath I want to be free

This is my daily fight with anxiety

*found this poem online*

*even posting this has made my anxiety go thru the roof*