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Monday, August 17, 2009

anxiety and the week-end

Last week I blogged about my anxiety...theres a couple people on here that are my friends away from bloggyland...and they know that what I suffer with is real. I Align Centerrealize that alot of you that read my blog was surprised by it and didnt think that side of me showed in my post. In a way that actually made me feel really good inside. If you do not suffer from something that is so debilitating then you do not understand what it does to a person physically and emotionally. One thing about starting my blog (which is something Josh wanted me to do) It allows me to say what Im thinking or feeling and I dont have to go thru the massive anxiety I would if I was trying to say the same things to you face to face..or even over the phone. So knowing that if even for a few minutes I write something and I get to come across as being "normal" that makes me smile inside. This week-end Josh took Devin and I away on a little vacation so to speak...we only went a couple hundred miles away but we got to see some really cool things and get all of Devins school shopping done at the same time. It felt really good to just get away from here. I spend every day at home, I babysit from my home so getting away is nice once in awhile. Now you might wonder how if I have such massive anxiety can I do this and actually enjoy myself....its because of Josh. He never really leaves my side so that when we go into places I dont have to feel so nervous. He holds my hand or wraps his arm around me and instantly I feel safe and secure. We went to a museum, a drive thru wildlife safari, and a childrens zoo.(will post pics later) It all was wonderful!!! We went out to eat, not just fast food on the run ( I had moments of bad anxiety I sometimes feel sudden burst of feeling uncomfortable eating around a bunch of people) but with Josh and Devin there they helped bring me back down and relax enough to realize Id be ok. Trust me living with this IS NOT FUN. The feeling of a sick stomach and the sudden feeling of not being able to breath because your heart is beating so fast certainly is not enjoyable.....when you start shaking so bad that it looks like to others you have something wrong with you only makes the anxiety kick into higher gear.......but every day I try harder and harder to get thru it. And when I do I take a deep breath and say to myself..."you did it Dena" and pray that one day it will actually become easier to get thru each and every day ahead of me.


~Tom~ said...

I am glad you had an awesome time on your trip. I am looking forward to seeing the pics. I will try and give you a call this week and you can tell me more about it. Now as for something you said in this post, I have never put you and the word "normal" in the same sentence. I know you too well. hehehe Like I should talk? lol

Lady of Perpetual Chaos said...

Ah, the beauty of the internet. You can socialize as much as YOU want to. Being a bit of an introvert myself, I like it. Not that I'm comparing debilitating social anxiety to being an introvert, but ya know what I mean....right?!

♥ Teresa ♥ said...

I was popping it to thank you for stopping by my blog. I truly love to make new friends.

I'm sorry you suffer with such debilitating anxiety. I have been in the medical field for almost 20 years and have seen so many lives affected by this. I also recently started having some problems with it myself, after being diagnosed with some pretty significant medical problems. I am now on a host of medications that are causing me problems plus I am homebound and mostly confined to my bed, so my brain is really on overload lately. Therefore, I know what you are dealing with is VERY difficult to manage AND even tougher to discuss with others. I'm extremely proud of you for not just deciding to 'talk' about it with someone but for also totally coming out of your comfort zone and using your blog to let others know they aren't alone! I know that it took a ton of courage for you to do this! I pray this helps you in a huge way.

May God bless you for what you've done and give you even more strength, grace, courage and peace.

I hope your week is awesome!

Many Blessings,

Teresa <><

RileyScott said...

glad you had a good weekend Dena. Glad you're feeling slightly better I guess

Kathy B! said...

I had no idea you suffered to this degree. None whatsoever. And I'm glad that the blogosphere is an outlet for you to be social and feel safe. It's a wonderful thing.

Thanks for sharing this with us.

Momza said...

Road's always so nice to get a change of scenery!
And your post about your boys is so so so
sweet! You have every right to be proud of them!