anxiety and the week-end

Last week I blogged about my anxiety...theres a couple people on here that are my friends away from bloggyland...and they know that what I suffer with is real. I realize that alot of you that read my blog was surprised by it and didnt think that side of me showed in my post. In a way that actually made me feel really good inside. If you do not suffer from something that is so debilitating then you do not understand what it does to a person physically and emotionally. One thing about starting my blog (which is something Josh wanted me to do) It allows me to say what Im thinking or feeling and I dont have to go thru the massive anxiety I would if I was trying to say the same things to you face to face..or even over the phone. So knowing that if even for a few minutes I write something and I get to come across as being "normal" that makes me smile inside. This week-end Josh took Devin and I away on a little vacation so to speak...we only went a couple hundred miles away but we got to see some really cool things and get all of Devins school shopping done at the same time. It felt really good to just get away from here. I spend every day at home, I babysit from my home so getting away is nice once in awhile. Now you might wonder how if I have such massive anxiety can I do this and actually enjoy myself....its because of Josh. He never really leaves my side so that when we go into places I dont have to feel so nervous. He holds my hand or wraps his arm around me and instantly I feel safe and secure. We went to a museum, a drive thru wildlife safari, and a childrens zoo.(will post pics later) It all was wonderful!!! We went out to eat, not just fast food on the run ( I had moments of bad anxiety I sometimes feel sudden burst of feeling uncomfortable eating around a bunch of people) but with Josh and Devin there they helped bring me back down and relax enough to realize Id be ok. Trust me living with this IS NOT FUN. The feeling of a sick stomach and the sudden feeling of not being able to breath because your heart is beating so fast certainly is not enjoyable.....when you start shaking so bad that it looks like to others you have something wrong with you only makes the anxiety kick into higher gear.......but every day I try harder and harder to get thru it. And when I do I take a deep breath and say to myself..."you did it Dena" and pray that one day it will actually become easier to get thru each and every day ahead of me.