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Monday, May 16, 2011

Music 4 Monday

I have come to the terms that I am suffering through a mild case of depression....alot has been happening in my life and though I have ALWAYS been the strong one , all of the sudden I find myself feeling weak and broken down. I really do not like this feeling at all. I do know that some of my depression comes from my son leaving and going to Iraq...this has not been easy on me at all. Its actually really really hard...I miss him more then I ever imagined I would..and trust me I imagined I would REALLY miss him!!!! So I do know that does play a big part on why Im feeling the way I am.
Another part of it comes from finding out someone that I love dearly is not the person I thought they were. I had this eye opening experience after having them live with me for about 8 months...this was not a very good experience and it allowed me to see the REAL side of them and its been a hard thing for me to swallow....because Im not really liking that side of them...and in a way I feel let down, which in turn is also a part of why Im feeling depressed.
It sucks because I try to go about my days as if there is nothing wrong and then inside I feel almost mad because Im faking these feelings...and I feel like everyone around me is fine...because as long as Im fine (or they can pretend I am) then all is good. Like I said I have always had to be the shoulder to cry on....the one to turn to for advice....the one to lift others up when they are down and now it feels like when Im really in need of that from one knows what to its just easier for them to pretend everything is ok with I play along. I put on my so called happy face for everyone to see....while Im crying on the inside.


~Tom~ said...

Kiddo, you know I am always only 10 numbers away. I don't know about anyone else in your life but, I have never ignored your pain. Not about to start now. You know how to reach me. Any time, day or night. Hugz

~Tom~ said...

PS-My Immortal is one of my all-time favorite songs!