Is it ALWAYS about YOU

Dont you just get tired of those people who no matter what is going on in everyone elses life things somehow always tend to be about them...they always have things better then everyone else...things much worse have happened to them....you can't even have a real conversation with this kind of person because somehow in some way it starts about what YOU are going thru and turns into what THEY are going thru. I sometimes sit and wonder why do these kind of people believe that everything is always about them???? Or maybe I am wrong and it really IS always about them???? Does anyone else go thru this????

Beyond the negativity

For years I pictured myself to be a victim of my traumatic life experiences. I spent so many years of my life feeling damaged and utterly broken. It caused me to not trust or believe in people at all. I often wondered how I could continue on in such emotional pain. I continued for years by putting my focus on being mom, concentrating more on them then I did myself. Thinking that the things I felt deep inside of me would one day just go away, or would be buried so deep beneath everything else they wouldn't really matter anymore. But thats not how it works. You need to take the time to deal with the traumatic things you have gone thru in life and dont let them destroy you but let them make you stronger.
I have spent so much of life hurting from the things Ive gone thru, feeling a deep sense of sadness while I walked around with a smile on my face pretending that everything was just fine. After years of abuse you learn how to do that really well.

In the last year I have tried concentrating on being able to better see the core of who I really am. A core that isn't marked by traumatic life experiences, but rather, a core that shines with talent, beauty, and a sensing for love and adventure.
When I stopped focusing on the beauty that is my inner core, I was denying myself the right to grow and to blossom. I started spending all of my time focusing on the negative things I think about myself; and then acted surprised when those things begin to grow. After awhile, all I could see when I look at myself in the mirror,was the negative , broken person that I had convinced myself I was. Then one day I thought what if I focused my attention towards, the things about me that will grow. The good about myself. I have the ability to convince myself of anything. Our mind is a very powerful tool!!!

It is now my challenge to myself, to see beyond the negativity and look towards my true inner self. I mean I've always known Im a good person...have a good heart and soul and will do almost anything for anyone. I always want to help the underdog, and always have words of encouragement for everyone around me. I've always been every ones shoulder to cry on and helping hand to count on, Im the one everyone turns to when they need some advise. While it goes unnoticed that Im hurting inside, that I bear a sadness so deep inside of me from the experiences in life I have gone thru that I sometimes feel like all my happiness has been sucked away. So its time I put a little focus on me now, feed my core with beautiful thoughts and healthy experiences, and before I know it, viewing myself in a negative and broken manner will be a thing of the past, for my TRUE inner self will shine so bright that I won't be able to help it but to face each and every day with a much more positive outlook. And I will realize that all that negative that has happened in my life truly did only make me stronger!!!

Music 4 My Monday

Today Im going to pick more than one music video ....its going to be a few of my favorite songs from Michael Jackson...of course I like all the ones that everyone else likes... "Thriller", "Beat It", "Billie Jean"...
but these are some of my favorites...ENJOY!!!

Michael Jackson - New Music - More Music Videos

Too funny not to share

I know you are probably like me and getting tired of hearing about this...although it has calmed down alot lately but I got this in an email and thought it was funny so I had to share it with all of you!!!

I got an award!!!

Alicia over at Boylerpf presented this blog award to me, thank you Alicia!! She has a blog full of wisdom and great stories as well as an awesome etsy shop that sells vintage jewelry. Be sure you check it out!
The rules of the award are to give 7 facts about myself and pass this on to 7 other lucky winners. Ready? Here we go:


1) Diet coke is my addiction...but I dont drink it out of the can...I love it poured over crushed ice...once in awhile if we are out and about and have to grab a quick drink on the go I will drink it out of the bottle but I just dont want to touch my lips to the rim of that can!!! I feel like I dont know what all has been on that can before it made its way into my hands!!

2)Im the oldest of four kids although my sister that is 4 years younger then me most think she looks older and I secretly kind of like that!!! Ok honestly I REALLY LIKE THAT!!! I just dont tell her that!!!

3)I tend to feel it is my responsibilty to fix everything for everyone...which leads me to worrying way too much...which then leads to me stressing waaaay to much....everyone tells me to relax, which in a way pisses me off cuz if I knew how to do that I so would of been doing it by now!!!

4) I tend to be everyones shoulder to lean on but feel that most of the time when I need a shoulder to lean on its no where to be found

5) I've spent the majority of my life worrying about my weight...even though Im heavier then Ive ever been(other then when I was pregnant) Im going thru a phase of I dont care...this is me and if you dont like it then dont look at it....kind of feel like its time I accept me the way I am!!

6) Last night when I heard about Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson both dying I honestly got a little teary. I cant stand it when people die..it truly makes me so sad inside.

7) Im a mom of three boys, and nothing and I mean nothing in this life means more to me then that!!!!

Im suppose to pass this on to 7 people but I always have such a hard time picking some and not picking others and honestly Id love to hear more about each one of you. So I invite each and every one of you to take this award and tell me more about YOU!!

Favorite 4 my Friday

My favorite for today is this color of shirt (coral)....when its worn in the summer time it makes your tan just "pop"...and well since I spend the rest of the year looking sooooo white...I kind of like anything that makes the little bit of color I do get in the summer time look even better......oh and I also like it when my fingernail polish matches so perfectly with my shirt!!!
I know Im weird like that!!

Ripped right off !!!!

what is that you might be asking....well I will tell you...I went out to water the flowers in the back yard as the back yard faces south and its gets sun pretty much all day long...so the potted flowers especially end up needing watering twice a day....as I was pulling the hose thru the fence "this thing" you see in the picture got caught in the fence and broke right off!!!! OOOOUUUCCCCHHHH

It used to go right here....thats right its my nail......and no they aren't fake the are the real deal..and it just bent back and snapped off in a matter of 2 seconds!!!!

And now I am soooooo sad...ok actually MAD....because do you know how long it is going to take to get that nail grown back out to match the others?????? Ok if you are a guy reading this you probably dont and probably dont really care so much...probably thinking oh Dena its only a finger nail get over it...yeah well remember that next time you want your back scratched!!! Ok off I go to sulk in my misery!!!

Thought 4 my Thursday

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've every had.

What about me 4 Wednesday

Today Im suppose to post something about myself.....well all I can think about is how hot I am...its been in the upper 90's and the humidity has been hellish and well I just feel like every time I step outside this blanket gets put over my face and makes it so I cant breath!!! So while Ive got a moment Im going to go soak my hot self in the pool........yep thats all you are going to get about me today!!!!

Peanut butter jelly time

Kody didnt have to work today so he drove home to see me!!! Yay me!!!! He asked if I have ever had a grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Of course I had not soooo he decided it was time I had one.

~Kody cookin~


And this is the final result...a tasty grilled pb & j....if you have never tried it then you need to...its a crazy little twist on the normal pb&j

Question for you?!?!

If you were to name the one possession that means the most to you...
what would it be?

Happy Birthday Mom

~Diana Lynn Perkins~
Born: June 23, 1949
Died: January 18, 1999
Missed so much by her children and grandchildren
She fought cancer for 5 1/2 years before it took her life

(sorry the pics aren't better..scanner doesnt work so I had to take a picture with my cell of the pictures and send them to computer so they didnt turn out very clear)

Today she would be 60.....I can't help but to wonder what would she look like at 60 years old.....many tell me all the time how much I look like her...so I can't help but wonder what she would look like now....maybe to get a glimpse of what I have to look forward to in about 20 years.....but mostly because after 10 1/2 years of not seeing her or hearing her voice or feeling her touch...or even smelling her smell I just can't help but wonder what would it be like now. Even though you have been in heaven for 10 1/2 years now mom I wish you a Happy Birthday....
I love you and I miss you with all of my heart!!!

God Saw You

God saw you getting tired,
When a cure was not to be.
So He wrapped his arms around you,
and whispered, "Come to me".
You didn't deserve what you went through,
So He gave you rest.
God's garden must be beautiful,
He only takes the best
And when I saw you sleeping,
So peaceful and free from pain
I could not wish you back
To suffer that again !

A new beginning

Ive decided it was time for me to have a new beginning....I've lived thru some really rough things in my 41 years....Ive been abused physically, emotionally, mentally, and sexually all by people that I was suppose to believe in and trust...count on to be there for me and with me. It started out when I was a child and followed me thru my adult hood. Ive tried to bury it and pretend that it wasnt there but the hurt one carries when they have gone thru so much tends to poke its ugly head out alot..and causes you to start living a life where you dont trust in anyone...you feel that no one is actually able to be honest or truthful....Im a mom of 3 boys, and Ive done everything in my power to raise my boys to be good honest..loving caring men..as you know from my post...I have 2 in college (19 and 21) and one still at home (11) and I am so very proud of them and I know without a doubt that regardless of what Ive been thru in life I have been an excellent mom!!! But inside of me I have still held on to all the hurt Ive gone thru in this life. Lately Ive been thinking what if I had the ability to bounce back from whatever hardship has come my way? What if I had the ability to look at every misfortune, as an opportunity to grow into a stronger, more resilient human being? Have you ever wondered why it is that some people can bounce back so quickly from a negative life experience, while others dwell upon the negative experience for years to come? It's called the ability to be resilient.
Resiliency is defined as the following:
1. Springing back; rebounding.
2. Returning to the original form or position after being bent, compressed, or stretched.
3. Recovering readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyant.

After years of living life trying to just find some sort of happiness out there. I have felt that I have always given so much of myself to others only to be let down and crushed in so many ways by those people. I have done lots of thinking and I have decided that each and every person does have the ability to live a resilient life. You can be positive, proactive, healthy, happy and live a life with positive meaning, it is now my mission to learn as much as I can about how to live my life to the fullest and in the most resilient manner possible. Im only given one life...and its going to be way too short to sit around and worry about the negative that others want to try to inflict upon me. They can only hurt me if I allow them to hurt me...and guess what Im done allowing that to happen....this is my life and Im ready to start living it!!!!!

Question for you???

If you had $1000 to give away or to donate to a charity....
what would you do with it and why?

Music 4 My Monday

I really like these guys....Heres just one of their songs....Theory of a Deadman
"Not meant to be"

Question 4 you

If you had to eat at only one restaurant for the rest of your life which would you choose??

Favorite 4 My Friday

When I get to be silly with Devin ....thats one of my favorite times!!!!

Question 4 you

If you had to name the one most important ingredient of human beauty,
what would it be?

NO WAY!!!

Are you kidding me??? I have enough issues trying to use a public restroom I will avoid it at all cost if I can...but to add the "LETS PULL THE TOILET PAPER OUT OF THIS BUTT HOLE" to the mix...well thats just wrong!!!!

Thought 4 my Thursday

NOT for sensitive eyes!!!

Now we know why rain coats are yellow!!!!

Question 4 you...on WHATabout ME WEDNESDAY

Do you ever feel jealous about anything...if so how do you deal with your jealousy?


*I do suffer from that little green monster....it doesn't make me do crazy things it usually just gets the best of me and makes me hurt inside...and if I say anything to the one I love about what Im feeling at the moment then it usually ends up hurting him inside....its a horrible thing to go thru and I truly hope one day Im able to put that green monster to rest!!*

Last night decided it was time to finally get the bikes back out and start riding again. So Joshy, Dev and I went for an hour bike ride. I knew that my legs and my hiney was going to be feeling the pain.....omg they need to cushion those seats more!!!! But anyway we go for our ride and of course about 30 minutes into it Im the one already saying how bad my legs are hurting, and its really burning in my knees. Joshys answer to this is just don't think about it...oh ok why didn't I think of that!!!! As if that's actually going to work...but none the less we continue and even though I'm feeling the "burn" I'm glad we are back at this again!...that is until we got home. I do not know what the hell happened but for some god forsaken reason I had the worse pain ever up in my shoulders and between my shoulder blades...so bad that it kept me awake all night long...along with a wonderful leg cramp that kept trying its best to take over my leg during the night!!! I am now awake and should be feeling great cuz I dont have any babysitting kids today...I'm actually going to get my hair colored and cut today and I'm stuck with the worlds worse pain in my right shoulder blade that shoots up into my neck. I move extremely slow and I'm thinking this is going to be real interesting going to get my hair done today. For the life of me I can not understand how an innocent bike ride could leave such results...after all its not like we were riding on rough terrain, no slopes, I didn't fall over...nothing just an innocent bike ride!!! Good lord is this just another sign of how old and out of shape I am!?!?! I can harldly wait to see what tonights bike ride brings!!

Toons 4 my Tuesday

Its the little things

My oldest son Kody, lives in a town 50 miles from me, hes working full time now that he is on summer break from college so on my birthday (last Wednesday) he wasn't able to come home and see me. So he called yesterday and asked what I was doing and said he was headed home for awhile to spend some time with me. He got here in time for supper (boys always have a way of knowing exactly what time its ready..hehe) we all sat around the table and ate and talked. After dinner he and I went outside and I just listened to him talk. I love those moments, the times he just opens up and starts talking to me about whats been going on in his life...with work, and friends, girls, the crazy things that happen at some of their parties...he and I have a bond that I hope never goes away.I miss him so much at times...it was really hard when my older boys grew up and graduated high school and left for college, its one of those times in life that you are so proud of them for making choices and doing what they want and yet you feel heartbroken in a sense ...have a feeling of they don't need me anymore come over you. As mom I worry that when the day comes he gets serious with a girl that she might not like the closeness that the two of us have. I hope that's not the case because I would miss my son so much if he ever changed the way that he is. Having him just call me up and start talking because hes bored..or he wants to just vent...sometimes because he wants my opinion on things...or even just because he wants to see how things are going here are things I would miss dearly. Raising kids is not always easy... though I've got 2 in college I still have one at home with a few years to go before he graduates (hes only 11) and though there have been those really hard times when you feel like you just want to scream...ok maybe beat them....there comes those times in life when they can do the simplest of things and you just realize that no matter what you wouldn't want it any other way!!! Having him come spend his Sunday with me was awesome...and those are the moments I cherish the most!!!

Music 4 my Monday

Im in the mood for some "Buckcherry"...so here ya go

Random Pictures

I haven't done this for awhile....sorry Tom....with my busy days I feel like there is nothing too exciting to take a picture of....but the other day when the rain stopped coming down for a bit...I decided to go out and get a few shots of just some of the flowers I have growing...so now I have something to post for your random picture theme..I love flowers...and they sure love all the rain we've been getting!!!!

Favorite 4 my Friday

This has become my favorite thing to do when I've got nothing else going on...

just sit out back on the deck and watch my garden become
the favorite place to hang out!!!

Thought 4 Thursday

Thank you to everyone that sent Happy birthday comments and emails to me...you guys made me feel so very special...and made turning 41 not seem so bad after all!! I had a great day...lots of phone calls...lots of cards and gifts..."joshy" took me out to eat and even baked me a birthday cake!!! It was yummmmmmy!!!!! Anyway my thought for today is actually about getting older

The older I get, I've realized that there’s a lot to be learned if you keep an open mind, an open spirit. There’s wisdom out there. I’ve learned patience,I finally realized that things don’t happen overnight And I’ve learned to not try to make things happen but to just let them happen and accept them. When you’re young you try to control everything; that’s where having life experience comes in. You find things that work and things that don’t work. It’s simple. You keep what works and drop what doesn’t. Over the years I’ve learned to just go with my instincts and trust them. The experience of living certainly has taught me something. Has it you?

What about me 4 Wednesday

Today is my birthday...Im 41
How did this happen??? How on earth did I get this old????

Well as the song goes...its my party and I'll cry if I want to!!!!!!




"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional."

"Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative."

"There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt"

question for you

What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up?