TOP 20 WAYS TO SAY YOUR FLY IS UNZIPPED

20. The cucumber has left the salad.

19. I can see the gun of Navarone.

18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.

17. You've got Windows on your laptop.

16. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.

15. Your soldier ain't so unknown now.

14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.

13. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

12. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...

11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.

10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!

9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.

8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!

7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

6. Dr. Kimble has escaped!

5. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."

4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...

3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

2. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?

And the number one way to tell someone their fly is unzipped...

1. I thought you were crazy, now I see your nuts.

Favorite 4 My Friday

My favorite Im going to post about today is one of my favorite friends...he is always there for me...we have never met face to face...we have only shared emails...text messages..phone calls...and back in the old days chatting online. He came into my life just when I was needing someone the most and well he's stayed no matter what has happened in the last few years,and lets just say ALOT has happened!!! Hes kind of my "go-to" person. We have watched each other grow into better and stronger people...we have watched each other as we raise our kids and deal with the rough times that sometimes come with that....he has watched me go thru my nasty divorce and helped me to never lose faith in myself, and has helped me pull myself together again when times have been too hard to handle. He's laughed with me and he's cried with me...he's helped me to understand a mans point a view...even though most of the time I think their view stinks!! hehe Many miles are between us he's in New York and Im in Nebraska....but nothing can come between the friendship we have built over the years...and I look forward to sharing the years to come.....thanks Tom for being my friend!!!

This is actually the picture I have set so when Tom calls me I get to see this pop up on my phone and so I usually always answer giggling ...and he knows its because I got to see THIS!!!!



What a lovely thing it is
To have a loyal friend
Someone who understands us
On whom we can depend
A friend who sees and knows
Our faults
And likes us anyway
And never seems to take offence
At anything we say
Who helps us through our troubles
Stands by us in our needs
Such friendship transcends
Barriers of color race and creed
For friendship is a precious gift
And we should always treasure
The ones who share our grief
Our joy
Our heartache and our pleasure

Thought 4 My Thursday

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence
by every experience
in which you really stop
to look fear in the face-
You must do the thing
which you think
you cannot do."

OMG!!!!

Ok so picture this Josh finally gets home after doing one of his over nighters for work...Im so excited to see him...he changed into some comfy clothes and we went out on the back deck to relax and talk for a bit

Then all of the sudden I hear "mom" and its the tone in the voice that just makes your heart start racing and you just know something is wrong....so I get up and go into the house...to be greeted by this, (although it was way worse but this was the best picture I could find)

only on MY SON!!!! I thought omg...Im going to pass out!!!! I didnt, but I did yell OH MY GOD really loud...Devin was apparently out with a friend doing some kind of "stunts" and one went wrong...he cut his head open and then ran down the block to get home to mom and thats why the blood was all over the face...and the shirt...and the floor...and oooooohhhhh my god lets just say it was everywhere.....again I thank God for Josh as he took over and checked out the damage and helped me get Devin taken care of and clean up the mess...and assure me that it would all be ok..........so much for relaxation!!!!

*he did make it thru the night and seems to be back to his normal little 11 year old self today...with strict rules no more "stunts" !!!!

* the pictures shown obviously are not us...as no one was out back snapping pics of Josh and I or at least not to my knowledge...and we look way hotter then that couple!!! and there was no way I was thinking grab a camera and get a picture of Dev's bloody face

What about me 4 my Wednesday

Josh was gone on one of his over night trips for work...and its those nights away from him that makes me realize just how much I love him...how much I miss him ...and how much I truly love having him in my life


~When a woman~

When a woman is quiet
millions of things are running thru her mind

When a woman is not arguing
She is thinking deeply

When a woman is looking at you with eyes full of questions
She is wondering how long you will be around

When a woman answers "Im fine" after a few seconds
She is not fine at all

When a woman stares at you
She is wondering why you are lying

When a woman lays on your chest
She is wishing for you to be her's forever

When a woman calls you every day
She is seeking for your attention

When a woman says "I love you"
She means it

When a woman says she can't live without you
She has made up her mind that you are her future

When a woman says "I miss you"
No one in this world can miss you more than she does

Toon 4 my Tuesday

our week-end

We decided to take a little trip this week-end...we went to this COOL Wild Animal Sanctuary in Colorado if you have never been to one of these it is so worth the time and the money you spend to see one. This is a rescue place for wild animals that are taken from zoos that are shut down and from people who try to raise them and then realize they cant handle it...some of these animals are put thru some really horrible situations before they get rescued. The animals go thru a rehabilitation and once they go thru it then they get to be out in open fields like you see in our pictures. The animals were so healthy looking and seemed so happy and content, this was way better then any zoo I've ever been too!!!! You can check out this place we went to by going to http://wildlife-conservation.com/ heres just a couple of the pictures we took while there:

Then we headed back to our own state Nebraska and decided to take Devin too see some of the places he learned about in school...our first stop was Courthouse and Jail rock they are two of the most famous landmarks of the mid 1800's Nearby is the Oregon-California Trail, the Mormon Trail, the Pony Express Trail and the Sidney-Deadwood Trail. The rocks were vanguards of the unforgettable scenic wonders that travelers would encounter.


Then we took him to see Chimney Rock the most famous landmark on the Oregon, California, and Mormon Trails. Today, the spire stands 325 feet above the plain, but during the time of the migration, Chimney Rock was substantially higher. It was the most spectacular landmark on the entire trail. Many considered it the eighth wonder of the world. In their enthusiasm, some tried to climb the massive rock but none got higher than the base.


next on our trip was Carhenge, which replicates Stonehenge .The artist of this unique car sculpture, Jim Reinders, experimented with unusual and interesting artistic creations throughout his life. While living in England, he had the opportunity to study the design and purpose of Stonehenge. His desire to copy Stonehenge in physical size and placement came to fruition in the summer of 1987 with the help of many family members. Thirty-eight automobiles were placed to assume the same proportions as Stonehenge with the circle measuring approximately 96 feet in diameter. Some autos are held upright in pits five feet deep, trunk end down, while those cars which are placed to form the arches have been welded in place. All are covered with gray spray paint. The honor of depicting the heel stone goes to a 1962 Caddy.

I told Dev he had better never end up with his car looking like this!!!!!

some cool metal art we seen

last on our trip was a drive thru the Nebraska National Forest

and yes Josh and I was on this trip...see.....

me not wanting my picture taken

Josh peeking in the sunroof of the car before he got in...hehe

Over our week-end we also helped move Dakota into his new place...had a barbecue with the boys and remembered those who have left us...all in all it was a very eventful and fun week-end!!!

what will YOU be doing??

There is something about a holiday weekend that is so liberating. Just the thought of having an extra day off from work is awesome!!!! Its almost enough to make me overlook all the millions of things I should be trying to get caught up on around this place!!! Like the other rooms I still need to get painted and the yard that needs some more attention...like the flowers I still need to plant and the dog that needs a hair cut!!! and the ooooohhhhhh for now I'm just going to forget about it all!!!! It doesn’t matter. Because it is a long weekend, it means that I have three whole days off from my job. Three days to be in and out of the sunshine, three days to listen to my music, and three days to take an afternoon nap if I want, three days to do absolutely nothing if I don't want to. Three days to have Josh grill for me..Yay me!!! (he loves to grill and I love to eat what he grills) And, since this is Memorial Day weekend, three days to ponder what life is truly about and to remember those who have gone on before us. So today, I am grateful for holidays, especially when they are part of a three day weekend. So tell me what will YOU be doing over your long holiday week-end???

Its official

Devin still sleeping at 9:30 in the morning!! (I'm so jealous)

Summer break is here....school is out for the summer...yep how ever you want to say it....this lets you know that its officially here......(at least as far as school is concerned) ITS SUMMER!!!

Favorite 4 My Friday

LOOOOOOONG WEEK-ENDS!!!! THOSE ARE MY FAVORITE!!!!!

Was he running low on donuts or what???

Yesterday Josh was on his way to work he has to drive 50 miles one way each day....he leaves at 6 in the morning, gets out on I-80 and goes....well yesterday on his way to work the car just decided to die...he was stranded somewhere between home and work...out on the busy interstate. I wasn't able to run and help as I had babysitting kids that would be arriving and Devin to get off to school. As he was talking to me on the cell phone telling me what he believed the problem was a state patrol officer just drove right by him....didn't stop to see if he needed any assistance...just buzzed right on by not even giving Josh a second look. This really pisses me off!!! I just do not understand how you can see someone out on the side of the busy interstate at 6:30 in the morning with their hood popped open and their hazard lights on and not even stop and see if they need some assistance....after all isn't your job to SERVE and PROTECT????? Josh said well maybe he seen I was on the cell and figured I had it under control...I say that shouldn't matter he SHOULD still stop and see if there is anything he can do. After all, Josh ended up only needing a jump start to get him back going again(had to do some minor stuff to it when he got to work) but he had to wait for 30 more minutes for his work partner to get to him to give him a jump.
According to what Devin always says he was probably running low on his donuts...apparently so!!!!!!

I got my package!!!!

I got my package from Andrea !!!! I was actually only a winner of the movie but bless her heart she sent me some German CHOCOLATE TOO!!!
I LOVE YOU ANDREA!!!! hehe

My baby is 11

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUBBIE!!!

Devin turned 11 yesterday.....where has the time gone????

LITTLE KNOWN FACTS

1. Barbie's full name is Barbara Milicent Roberts.
   
   
2. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
   
   
3. A crocodile can't stick its tongue out.
   
   
4. A shrimp's heart is in their head.
   
   
5. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, you're heart stops for a mili-second.
   
   
6. In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand (or attempted to do so).
   
   
7. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
   
   
8. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
   
   
9. Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz produced a version of Alphabetti Spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted solely of little pasta swastikas.
   
   
10. By law, every child in Belgium must take harmonica lessons at Primary school.
    
    
11. On average, a human being will have sex more than 3,000 times and spend two weeks kissing in their lifetime.
    
    
12. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
    
    
13. Rats and horses can't vomit.
    
    
14. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
    
    
15. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
    
    
16. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.
    
    
17. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
    
    
18. If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
    
    
19. In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
    
    
20. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
    
    
21. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
    
    
22. A duck's quack doesn't echo anywhere, and no one knows why.
    
    
23. 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their buttocks.
    
    
24. In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.
    
    
25. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
    
    
26. Cat's urine glows under a black light.
    
    
27. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
    
    
28. If you keep your eyes open by force, they will pop out.

No need to thank me...its my pleasure to bring you these facts
just keeping you informed!!!!

Perfect female/male

(according to males)

(according to females)

Toon 4 My Tuesday

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES PRAYER


Now I lay me
Down to sleep.
I pray the Lord
My shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles
Please no bags
And please lift my butt
Before it sags.
Please no age spots
Please no gray
And as for my belly,
Please take it away.
Please keep me healthy
Please keep me young,
And thank you Dear Lord
For all that you've done.

Warning Labels

Did you ever notice the warning label on your hair dryer? I don’t know what made me actually read that label, although I think it had something to do with the fact that my hair dryer started making a funny noise so I guess I was looking for something on the warning. and this is what I found:
Do NOT use while sleeping
Now what are the odds that I was actually going to do that while sleeping? I don’t know about you, but when I’m sleeping, I’m actually sleeping. Maybe they meant not to use the hair dryer while sleepwalking. In which case, isn’t the warning futile? I mean, if I’m sleepwalking, I’m probably not going to read the label and if I actually did, the voice of reason is probably still sleeping and will likely let me carry on with my silly plan to dry my already dry hair; unless of course I showered while I was sleeping, too. Then maybe the hair dryer warning makes sense. So now does my shower have a similar warning? my hair dryer also had this warning:
Do NOT use in the shower
Really? Wouldn’t it be a waste of time to begin drying my hair while still in the shower?

After seeing this I had to check out some other things.....and here ya go
On one of the tags on my sons shirt it said: It is not safe to wear this shirt near open flames (ok well is it actually EVER safe for a child to be near open flames??)I think not!!!
On my deodorant:
For external use only. You can be sure that if you’re experiencing an internal odor problem, there’s a separate product for that. Your deodorant would likely burn like hell if you tried to substitute, but I’m betting most of us didn’t need to be told that. RIGHT???
Do not iron garments while wearing them: I rarely iron anything because I much prefer put on and go aspect of things, but if I do feel the need to iron something, you can bet if I've already put it on and I think it needs to be ironed..Im taking it off to put on something else!!!!
Do not eat toner: On a toner cartridge for a laser printer. seriously??? Is this a problem for some???
May irritate eyes: On a can of self-defense pepper spray...nooooo you think???
Remove plastic before eating:On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack...oh damn I was so looking forward to that plastic wrap!!!
Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it..ok seriously if you have to be told this...then don't even bother taking them for a walk!!

Who ARE the people that need to be warned of these things? I want to know because I want to meet them if for no other reason then to laugh at them!!

Music 4 My Monday

Of course by now you know Im a HUGE Nickelback fan but even if you aren't...this song and video are really worth it...so sit back and take a moment to listen to this song and watch the vid....it gives you something to think about...

"NICKELBACK....If today was your last day"

Another....In my opinion

The weather is starting to heat up here in Nebraska...so over the week-end I was kind of just checking out some of the new styles that's out for summer and one thing I noticed that I have to say Ive actually noticed the last few years is that for whatever reasons women's shorts just keep getting shorter and shorter!!! I mean honestly before long they truly wont be covering more then a thong does!!!!

and yet on the opposite side of this men's shorts seem to be getting longer..I mean honestly some of the men's shorts you see could actually be considered carpi's instead of shorts!!!

So again I'm left wondering ..why??? Why is it that women's shorts are so short their ass hangs out of them and men's are so long we aren't sure if they were once jeans that shrunk in the laundry or what happened. Its ridiculous!!!! I don't know about you but when I want to wear a pair of shorts I still want my precious private areas hidden!!!!

Being my opinionated self

OK so though I don't always show it on here I'm a very opinionated person...and there are some things that I can just go off about, here's one of those things!!! Now remind yourself its MY opinion on my page...you don't have to like it or even agree with it !!! I heard recently that they are planning on making it so that erectile dysfunction and male enhancement ads can not appear on radio and television between the hours of 6 a.m. and 10 p.m. they say its an intrusion into our daily lives that they believe has become inappropriate. Now I do find the "smiling bob commercials" a little dorky...sometimes fricking funny.





but now here is where MY opinion comes in....if they are so bent on saving our children from such commercials then why don't they do the same with the Victoria Secrets commercials that get aired at all times of the days...I mean now kids are being exposed to boobies galore...or what about feminine itch products, and how about tampon commercials. I mean honestly why just deal with something that has to do with a man issue and why not put a ban on all issues that should be deemed not appropriate for kids during those hours????? These are the things that just piss me off. I've listen to people say that our world has become too commercialized well I agree but why is it that SOME people view SOME things like a dorky guy commercial filled with all kinds of "puns" inappropriate and yet half naked women are not???

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good of man.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN: I forget.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road .. it transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

BILL CLINTON : I did not, and I repeat, did not have sexual relations with that chicken.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard working American.

L.A. POLICE DEPARTMENT: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT ...THE REASONS WHY THE CHICKEN CROSSED THE ROAD!!!